Make Money Online Without Getting Fat

The ultimate guide to running your online business creatively, efficiently, and uniquely without making sacrifices in your personal life.

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This guide will change your life. But don't take my word for it.

You're probably wondering how I get the energy to be so amazing at everything all the time. Being as great as me does take a lot of energy, I admit, but it's testimonials like this that keep me going.

Hah! A hippy trying to talk about making money. Get a job!

Have you started a billion-dollar company, Pat? Are you a national bodybuilding champion? No to both? Then why exactly should anyone read this? Fuck off.

I think it's cool what you're trying to do, Pat, honestly, but this is way too wordy. I have things to do. Just give me some freaking bullet points.

You might as well change the title of this guide to "Guy with six-pack thinks he's better than everyone else." Unreal.

Hey thanks I read the other reviews but I think their just jealous but I have a question I didn't see a link to where do I buy the pills that make me rich and happy so where do I buy the pill thanks.

Can you please pick a direction and stick to it? You try to be all funny at the top of the guide - which barely works - but whatever that's fine. But then as soon as Chapter 1 starts you get all serious. Is this a satirical guide or a real one? I don't really care which, but you need to make up your mind.

Bullet points. Because reading is hard.

  • Learn to stop doing shit that you don't actually want to be doing, especially since it's probably not helping you anyway.
  • Learn to be more efficient in everything that you do. That way you can get more done, or spend more time doing something else, or both.
  • Learn how to get more conversions by doing fancy internet things like split tests.
  • Learn how to eat, sleep, play, etc in order to not hate yourself.
  • Learn how to eliminate distractions so you can read full paragraphs at a time and not rely on bullet points.

Table of Contents

south park guy
Chapter 1

How to Be Yourself

Figure out what you really want, and how that might not be as obvious as you think. Learn to build confidence and care less about the opinions of others. Learn that you don’t have to do things just because they are commonly accepted as best practice; you can make your own rules.

Read Chapter 1
Chapter 2

Build Awesome Things. Quickly.

Learn to eliminate distractions so you don’t need discipline. Find people whose decisions you trust so you don’t have to make every trivial decision yourself. Get tricks for silencing your inner perfectionist so you can actually launch. Learn what makes a good idea, and how more clarity trumps more features.

Read Chapter 2
Chapter 3

Improve Existing Things

Learn how split tests can grow your site wayyyy faster than you might imagine, and how to run them (even if you have very little traffic). Figure out how to get feedback from your users and how to act upon that feedback. Learn how clarity is king, and new features might not always be the best idea. And finally, learn that sometimes the best choice is to pull the plug on a project.

Read Chapter 3
Chapter 4

Love Yourself

Learn how to eat, move, play, exercise, rest, relax, experiment, laugh, connect, and indulge your way to the best freaking life imagineable. Be the best possible version of you with relatively little effort (depending on your perspective). And embrace the fact that improving your personal life will improve your business.

Read Chapter 4
Chapter 5

Make People Love You

Learn how to make other people feel important by giving them the specific attention that they crave. Learn how to tear down your emotional barriers and show people who you really are. And learn how being blunt with (certain) people can win you respect.

Read Chapter 5
Chapter 6

Build an Audience

Learn what motivates people and how to incentivize people based on those motivations. Learn how to empathize with your audience and how to constantly clarify your offering. Learn that it’s okay to ask your audience and your peers for help, and how to do just that. And learn specific tactics for growing your audience, including an in-depth example of how and why I built this guide.

Read Chapter 6
Chapter 7

Make the Sale

This chapter should feel eerily similar to Chapter 6, because we’re using all of the same underlying principles and playing on all of the same emotions. But instead of learning how to get someone’s email address, you’ll learn how to get someone’s money. #booyah

Read Chapter 7
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This guide will sexify you and your business.

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Chapter 1: How To Be Yourself

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Good life decision!

Yayyyy. Chapter 1 of Make Money Online Without Getting Fat will be hitting your inbox in... right now. If you’re excited and you know it you could clap your hands. But I’d prefer you send a Tweet instead.

Don’t feel like sharing that Tweet? Okay, I’ll make it interesting.

If you share that Tweet I'll send you (within 15 minutes) exclusive access to a bonus chapter about how to incentivize people to share your content, and how to automate the whole process. Super meta? Yes. Super awesome? Also yes.